don't eat the green icing

I've been using public school eating establishments ever since i can remember. In elementary we were served by large women who placed precarious amounts of caned vegetables on our trays.

"But I don't like corn, Mrs. Lunch lady!"

"You'll eat it and you'll like it!"

"But I have a bean allergy, Mrs. Lunch Lady!"

"Good! maybe you can build up an immunity now."

Middle and high schools were not much better, yes we got to decide what went on our plates and the amounts which we were willing and able to eat but still the lack of choices did not make our eating experience much different.

It was at a summer program I first came into contact with the two topping dessert rule. Every topping that is added to a dessert equals one day old. It becomes a math equation when you look at it long enough. Brownie+ Whipped cream+ sprinkles= 3 days old. This rule didn't change when I got into college. In truth it was more difficult because at orientation I was forced to listen to a twenty minute hype about the amount of awards that the dinning halls had received but to be honest it's like getting an A in a gym class, its not hard if you pretend to be doing something.

Its not that the dining halls are all that bad it just takes an adjustment for example, knowing that they overcook the noodles just means I was forced to switch to a whole wheat noodle option because they are naturally tougher anyways. Its also pleasant to know that if I randomly become hungry at 4:30 am its only a ten minute walk to find a place where i can find pizza.
And the people I've been able to meet at the dining halls has never stopped amusing me. Not to long ago the "THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE" button fell off my bag without me noticing and as I got myself a drink I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw what looked like an athletic boy gingerly handling my button with a pained look on his face.

"Um... Uh... is this... um... uh.. yours?" he asked. I would have thought a condom or tampon had fallen out of my bag by the level of awkwardness he obviously felt.

"Yup!" It always seems easier to handle awkwardness with inappropriate levels of friendliness, "Thanks for returning it to me!"

After that encounter I had though I had reached my level of total awkwardness for the day but much like any day in college I was proven wrong. I was waiting for my friends to get to the dining hall so I sat at one of the larger tables and started eating. A boy sat down uneasily at the other end of the table, he had a red Stooges (as in Iggy and the Stooges) shirt on and a black book bag he looked over to me and said a quiet "...Hi..." Which I, in my infinite infantilness, responded with a vigorous hand wave and an exuberant "Hello!"

My friends finally found their way over to me and sat down, but the kid at the end looked lonely so looked up and said "Hey! If you wanna come down and join us your welcome to! You look all lonely and stuff down there!"

He paused and looked slowly at each of us with an analyzing gaze and shook his head.

"Nope, I'm good," he said with a finality to his tone.

What can I say? I tried.

I wanted to warn him about his piece of cake, to be honest. It was cake+whipped cream+ sprinkles+ green icing= 4 days old. But I guess sometimes it's best to remain uneducated.